At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
