I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
