Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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