so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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