it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it's like iHOP with fire
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
