Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
