Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
