Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
