Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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