god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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