Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
