Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Who died my cat blue again?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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