she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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