the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
