Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i out mim tonsoeep
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