I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
