There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
