My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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