Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So much Jack, so little girl.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
