she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
