Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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