wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
