I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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