were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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