its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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