At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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