My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
