there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
