She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
