My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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