i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
