You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
