Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
