Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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