Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He passed out mid-signature
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
