I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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