hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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