i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
