were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
