it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
