did you get engaged???
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
