He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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