Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
