guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
