never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
