I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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