He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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