In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
