Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
