Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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