Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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